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George Lopez to Become Even Less Funny (If Possible)

2/25/2010

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One would think Speedy Gonzales is a Looney Tunes cartoon character that Warner Brothers would be than happy to push under the rug in these far-more-politically-correct times. We all thought wrong. New Line/Warner Bros. is revamping the cartoon into a live-action/CGI/potential race relations disaster feature! 

But WAIT...the film's producers are taking steps to ensure that the film isn't the racist cartoon of the 1950s by casting a George Lopez (host of Lopez Tonight) as the voice of Speedy Gonzales, stamping the project with Lopez's "Latino seal of approval." Oh, okay. We're all good then, right?

I can't wait to see who they get to voice Speedy's cousin Slowpoke Rodriguez. Because, if a '50s characterization of a "lazy Mexican" is voiced by a Latino, it's not racist, right? The train wreck does not have a release date yet, so hopefully New Line execs will take the time to get off this track--and fast--¡Ándale! ¡Arriba! ¡Arriba!" Oh God.

--Jessica Hixson


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Bruce Willis: "Die Hard 5" could film next year

2/23/2010

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Die Hard 5 could begin filming next year. That's according to John McClane himself, Mr. Bruce Willis, in an interview with MTV.

Beyond that tidbit, Willis finally confirms once and for all that fictional super-cop John McClane is indeed fictional, telling MTV: "There is no John McClane. The John McClane that exists is only in film and in people's minds. And it continues to grow, that mythology continues to grow."

As for Die Hard 5, Willis said he would bring back Live Free or Die Hard director Len Wiseman. But after being trapped in a building, trapped in an airport, trapped in  New York City and being screwed with by hackers, Willis said Die Hard 5 could only go one place.

"Well, it's got to go worldwide," Willis said. "That would be my contribution to [the next movie]."

While trying to figure out what the hell that will entail, you can check out a less nonsensical, more scripted Willis in Cop Out, in theaters Friday.


--Eric Pulsifer


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Portman smokes the "Best Buds"

2/23/2010

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When organizations like DARE and the 'federal government' want to scare people away from drugs they tell stories about crack whores giving hand jobs to strangers, reasonable men murdering their family and bee keeping gone awry. But what today's news seems to indicate is that not only do successful Harvard graduates, like Natalie Portman, smoke weed every day, but make shitloads of money doing it.

Portman played a supporting role in the upcoming stoner movie Your Highness (starring James Franco, who claims to not smoke weed but was also the drug dealer in Pineapple Express and has been on the cover ofHigh Times magazine. Sense a trend here?) and also made outrageous comments in a Saturday Night Livemock interview with Chris Parnell that may or may not have been fictional, depending on how far you let your fantasies take you.

So how does Portman one-up herself? By not only starring in, but also producing, a not-so-thinly-veiled-weed-referenced movie titled Best Buds. The marijuana-inspired romp is billed as a film about "two best female friends who take a road trip to their friend's wedding in order to save her by bringing her weed."

See kids, not ALL drugs are bad.


--Mark Collins


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Gentlemen, ready for "Valentines Day?" What about "New Years Eve?"

2/8/2010

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Much like the alleged sequel to the smash hit The Hangover, in which the project was greenlit before the film even graced theaters, Warner Bros. is already setting a follow-up to this weekend's sure-to-be panty dropper,Valentines Day. 

According to Finke, the film’s producers have hired screenwriter Katherine Fugate to write another holiday-themed film called New Years Eve. The spin-off will feature some of the Los Angeles-based characters fromValentine’s Day in New York City over the course of 24 hours surrounding the New Year.

We're sure the rom-com will make huge bank considering its all star cast--especially with ladies hungry for more after Dear John dethroned Avatar, but this seems a bit premature to us. Are you ready for more Valentine's Day?

--Darcie Duttweiler


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It's business time

1/29/2010

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Every once in a while information coming out of Hollywood about certain projects can erase the memories of bad remake attempts! First, news came that Disney would be materializing a new Muppet film, entitled The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made with a script co-written by Jason Segel (Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall). Then, as if Disney execs had a sudden urge to produce films that have the potential to be...oh I don't know...great, it was revealed yesterday that co-creator of the hit HBO show Flight of the Conchords and director/co-writer of Ali G in da USA James Bobin could possibly be signed on to direct the film.

I, for one, hope old Bobin refuses whatever other offers he may have on the table and mans up about the Muppets. You take your beloved classic characters like Kermit and Fozzie Bear, filter them through the mind of Jason Segel--him being a member of the Golden House of Apatow ensures at least SOMEONE will see the movie--and put them under the knife of Bobin, whose past work guarantees Henson's creations won't be completely without an edge in his hands and you've got a movie that'll have just the right amount of witty, bizarre adventures and weird whimsy that audiences of all ages can enjoy.

--Jessica Hixson


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Mel Gibson is not to old for this sh...

1/28/2010

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Lethal Weapon scribe Shane Black and Mel Gibson are teaming back up for a thriller about a Cold War-era spy who helps a young up and comer track a terrorist. The film is titled Cold Warrior and would mark Black's second directorial effort after Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang.

The two were in discussions to team back up for quite some time, but nothing ever came from it, no Lethal Weapon 5...;( However this seems to be putting Gibson back in his place, and I look forward to anything these two can do. What do you guys think?

--Greg MacLennan


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Sam Worthington takes on new genre: vampires!

1/27/2010

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As if Sam Worthington didn't try his hand at enough genre flicks--machines! sci-fi! Gods vs. humans!--he is now allegedly gearing up to take on the most famous vampire of them all: Dracula.

Word is that Worthington is in talks to star in Dracula Year Zero, a period vampire epic Alex Proyas, director of I, Robot. The flickexplores the origin of Dracula, weaving vampire mythology with the true history of Prince Vlad the Impaler. It seeks to depict Dracula as a flawed hero in a tragic love story set in a dark age of magic and war. In not so many words--it wants to be the new Batman Begins.

You know what? Before Twilight and before True Blood, I always loved the Dracula movies--well, minus the one with Vitamin C in it. It is a good ol', classic story from hundreds of years ago that stems from a real person, and I think it's intriguing and all the scarier. So I can totally get on board with an origin story about the infamous Dracula, especially with newest IT boy, Worthington, taking a stab at it.

What do you guys think?

--Darcie Duttweiler


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Gremlins in 3-D to Get Audience Wet?

1/26/2010

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Eighties kitsch aficionados rejoice! America’s favorite psychotic little beasties could be coming back in a very big way.  MarketSaw is reporting that Gizmo, Stripe and their many furry friends are (once again) rumored to be returning to the big screen in a 3-D addition to the successful franchise. It has yet to be determined if this potential extension of the Gremlins saga will be a remake of the original, or a sequel to Joe Dante’s first two films starring the hilarious yet terrifying mogwai.    

Personally, I’m apprehensive about this news. Whether it be a continuation or reboot, the ongoing appeal of Gremlins and Gremlins 2:  The New Batch relies heavily on the films’ camp factor—and the abilities of college students everywhere to score decent bud. So I will proudly join the purist masses in hoping that whomever signs onto the project refuses an only CGI approach to its critter cast, instead utilizing puppetry and maybe even theme park ride techniques from 3-D film days of yore (Honey, I Shrunk the Audience, anyone?).I’d love to see a movie theater tie-in where the audience gets sprayed with water every time some dumb kid in the movie—and you know there’s going to be a dumb kid—doesn’t follow the very simple tenets of mogwai care and gets one wet!  Nothing will snap this “wired” generation out of their technological bubble like a dousing of good old-fashioned water in the face when they least expect it!   

Dear potential producers of a film we’re not sure will even be made, I implore you to avoid the glossed-over-full-throttle-CGI-3-D-turbo-extreme experience with our beloved Gremlins and take a nobler, more nostalgic approach that advocates of low production value films will surely appreciate. There are some films out there that don’t need a complete upgrade to appeal to a new generation of moviegoers. The lure of Gremlins is in the quirk—not some slick, computer editing.  

Please don’t worry about not appealing to kids these days—they’ll always have G-Force.  

--Jessica Hixson


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Marc Webb set for the Wall Crawler

1/20/2010

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Marc Webb was rumored and now he's confirmed to pick up the reigns of the Sony reboot of Spider-man after Sam Raimi and Co. walked away. Raimi was adamant about one villain; the studio another. The studio also wanted a 3D picture and on the same deadline, and Raimi was set to shoot in one month and had no one on his crew who knew 3D. So Raimi walked, and the studio was fine with it as they were developing two concurrent projects for Spider-man: Raimi's film and a supposed 3D reboot that would be released a year later based on the script by James Vanderbilt.

Well, now we have our director in Webb whose previous credit include the spectacular (500) Days of Summer and many commercials and music videos. But is Spider-man too big for him? Maybe--but look at what commercial director Neill Blomkamp did with District 9. Now how do we go about talking Webb into casting Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the role of Peter Parker?

--Greg MacLennan


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Jane Austen & zombies, coming to a theater near you

12/15/2009

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Just when I thought Hollywood couldn't get any more repetitive with the whole zombie/vampire angle they go and do something like this....and totally redeem themselves!

Pajiba is reporting that Director David O. Russell (Three Kings, I Heart Huckabees) has been linked to the upcoming film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. Add this to the confirmation that Natalie Portman is in talks to play the lead, and you've got a film with some honest-to-goodness hipster credibility!

Russell is a bit of a Hollywood outsider because he refuses to direct piece of shit movies for the sake of making a paycheck, so we will have to wait and see how this whole "passionate artist" thing works out amongst the money grubbing whore "movie execs."

I see project delays, your thoughts?


--Mark Collins


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