The IMDb synopsis for Max Payne goes like this:
Coming together to solve a series of murders in New York City are a DEA agent, Max Payne, whose family was slain as part of a conspiracy and an assassin, out to avenge her sister's death. The duo will be hunted by the police, the mob, and a ruthless corporation.
Now anyone should be able to gleam at least this much from watching the film. I'm not sure how it happened, or what I was expecting, but between the films apt video game reference via the posters, or the surprisingly visual rich trailers, I half expected something from Max Payne. The video game utilized the bullet time effect seen in movies like the Matrix, and the story of a renegade cop hunting down the people who killed his family seems like an idea beamed straight from the heavens for Jason Statham. But alas, the stars could not align. I'm not sure when, perhaps it was somewhere around minute ten was when I realized I was in for one of the worst films of the year.
You see it's not that it's from The Omen and Flight of the Phoenix director John Moore, although I'm sure he is definitely at least partially to blame. But first time writer Beau Thorne has crafted one of the shallowest, most confusing scripts ever. I think the confusion mainly arises from the lack of any character development or story explanation. The film is basically Max Payne wandering around from place to place, boring you, and then as time rolls on, actually making you giggle. You never care about anyone or anything going in, and even if you did know who these people were or what was going on, I doubt you'd care then either.
The performances don't help much, Mark Walhberg does what he can, but with a supporting cast that include laughable performances from Beau Bridges, Chris O'Donnell, and Mila Kunis, you're left trying to swim with concrete flippers. Also please let this serve as an open letter to Chris "Ludacris" Bridges (No relation to Beau or Jeff), please stop making movies. You were annoying in 2Fast2Furious, you freaked us out in that Vince Vaughn Fred Claus movie, and here you were the first to let the audience know it's okay to laugh at this supposed action drama. Also John Moore, when you have Donal Logue in a movie, please use him.
There are problems beyond all these things, but at this point it's like kicking a dead horse. If you have a morbid curiosity to see just how bad this movie is, don't. Send me $8, and I'll slap you in the face. At least I'll be saving you 100 minutes of your life.
PS - if you stay through the end credits, you get an epilogue that delivers promises of a Max Payne 2, but frankly, that's like making it through a minefield only to be shot in the face by a most pointless bullet.
Review by: Greg MacLennan
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