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Kinder critic: Onward's quest for happy tears (and why it may be Pixar's best yet)

3/6/2020

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Onward, the 22nd full-length film from Pixar, is a road trip story featuring two brothers and the bottom half of their reanimated (and previously deceased) dad. My 7-year-old roommate/daughter has been given a crash course in Pixar films over the past few years. Freed from the Woody-colored glasses of nostalgia that might cloud my vision when chatting Pixar films and how this compares to the likes of Toy Story or Cars, I thought she would be the perfect person to talk about how this latest Pixar film stacks up.

We sat down (well, I sat — she sat between spells of running in circles around me and climbing on the couch) as she was still buzzing from a Caramel M&M high to chat about the film, why we cry when we’re happy, if “Onward” is too scary for younger kids, and what it says about siblings and family.

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Warning: As anyone who’s every talked to a kid about a movie can attest, the concept of a spoiler doesn’t exist for anyone born after 2010. So heads up,  there are some light spoilers ahead — but nothing that should literally spoil the movie for you.
Hello, my name is Beatrice and what's yours?

I’m Eric. Or you know me as Dad.

And which movie did we go see today?

We saw Onward, the latest movie from Pixar. What was Onward about?

Onward is about this kid and his brother. And the younger kid just got 16 and his dad gives him this really cool — his dad died already too — 

Yeah, bummer.

He gives him this cool … and when the boys were both 16, they gave the dad gave them a staff, and the younger brother got to have the staff because it was his birthday and. Um Um. It was so cool, and I think you should go see it.

Okay. Wow. Review over. 

And also...

Oh, still going.

The dad is the policeman, but it's not true really. Because the policeman is still alive.

Wait. Well, that’s not their dad. But let’s take a step back. So, as you said, Onward is the story of two brothers, 16-year-old Ian (voiced by babyfaced Spiderman Tom Holland) and his slacker big brother Barley (voiced by Chris Pratt). The two brothers live with their mother (Julia Louis-Dreyfus). Their father’s no longer in the picture and - -

Their dad is dead.

Uhhh… Yes. Their dad’s dead, and their mother has a boyfriend who is a centaur or minotaur (I can't remember which is which) policeman — a police-minotaur? He’s alive. But let’s go back to the brothers because that’s what the movie is really about — the relationship between timid Ian, who is basically Peter Parker if he got bit by a radioactive Peter Parker, and Barley, who drives a van, listens to metal, and is obsessed with this role-playing game based on the ancient lore of this world.  Which is not our world, right?

Yeah... There used to be wonder, but now there’s boringness. But then at the end there’s wonder in the whole world. Hooray! Magic: everyone started to think it was too hard so they stopped doing it.

Right. So technology sucks the magic out of the world and the world is kind of a bummer, and enter these two brothers. Tell me a little more about the big brother, Barley. What do people think about him?

He doesn't say a single thing right. The older brother thinks these old fairy tales are true — and they are true — but the younger brother doesn't believe that, and everyone else. 

And how does he get around? How do they get around in their quest?

He drives this really special thing. He painted it herself and it's a van. This side of the van has a unicorn on it. 

Yeah, vans are pretty cool.  We should talk to Mom about that. So let’s talk more about this quest. They get the spell and this magical staff and...

When they open the staff there was… They saw these notes. And on the last note, um, it showed a picture of [the dad] and it said he can grow back one day until the sunset. And they tried so hard going to get there. And I think it's still might really enjoy it.

OK. Jumping ahead a little bit again. So going back a bit. What happens when they try to do the spell?

It only brings back half of his body. It looks like so weird and cool. 

Just his legs, yeah? And so their dad can’t hear or talk to them. So they have to do something about that.

Go to… try to get the… gem.. To be able to make the staff work again and then he can make a whole father again.

But it turns out that the little brother is really good at magic, right?

Yeah, he’s very good because he trusted himself in his heart. He’s able to do lots of spells. He’s able to do lightning and lots of others.

Really this movie is about siblings and that relationship. You have a sibling, a little brother, what did you think about this movie in that regard? What is your brother like?

My brother is a little bit like that, but not that same. He’s super playful. He’s a little kid. He's really fun to play with.

So in this movie, the little brother never got to meet their father, but the big brother has a few memories of him from childhood.

Yeah, the little brother remembered four things: He remembered that he likes to tap on his shoes… And also he remembered the one that's sad. This one is about when he when his dad was really sick. He went to the hospital one day, but he never um went into the place for his dad was. Ge was too nervous because his dad was in lots of um, breathe bubble thingies.

Yeah, that's right, so you mentioned that part was sad. Did you think that were there a lot of sad parts in the movie?

Yeah a lot.

How did how do they make you feel a little?

A little sad and a little happy.

Do you think this is the kind of movie that will make people cry when they watch it?

No.

But did it make you cry?

A little. Um, I cried happy tears because at the end, when he didn't get to see his brother … or, his dad, he was so brave to have a brother and so brave to go fight. Sometimes you’re crying happy tears and sometimes you’re doing sad tears because you’re so sad that happened, and you’re happy too at the same time. And it just feels happy.

Who was your favorite character?

My favorite person was the little brother because he saved the day!

So you've seen a few Pixar movies. You've seen all the Toy Story movies. And you’ve seen Cars. How do you think this movie compared?

Toy Story is my last favorite, Then Cars is my second favorite. And then the movie we watched is my first favorite. Because it’s really good and I think I liked it more.

Who would like this movie?

Anyone. Because it’s really, really good.

And?

Anyone could watch it because it’s fun and it’s really nice. It’s fun to watch and stuff.

Do you think it might be too scary for little kids?

Yeah, scary parts for little kids. You might have to be like 5 years old to see this.

What’s one thing people should know about this movie before going to see it?

Think about, “Would I be scared?” And if you are going to say yes. Then don’t go.

Makes sense. That’s why I will never see Hereditary. And there you have it. Straight from the mouth of a 7-year-old, the critic that matters most: Onward is better than Toy Story and better than Cars. The former might be debatable, but whatever. Thanks for chatting with me, Bea. Anything else before we go?

No.

--E
ric Pulsifer (and daughter)
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