The way I feel about Tim Burton movies is not so unlike the way I feel about vanilla ice cream. It’s not bad, but I know what it’s going to taste like, and I feel like if I’m going to waste the waist space on frozen creamy goodness it should have some candy bars or molten chocolate or coffee beans or crazy jazz in it. Even when vanilla ice cream is really good — Mexican vanilla with little bits of vanilla bean in it — it’s still vanilla ice cream. In this way, Dark Shadows is a familiar thing. Not bad, but not particularly exciting. Not exactly funny, scary or dramatic. Slightly campy and a tad creepy. (I’ve moved on from talking about ice cream now.)
Dark Shadows is based on the ‘60s soap opera of the same name. Johnny Depp plays Barnabas, a wealthy playboy from the 1700s who crosses a witch, who in turn transforms him into a vampire and buries him alive, where he remains undisturbed for 200 years. He is inadvertently freed in 1972 and returns to his former estate to check up on his descendants and the town his family built.
Assuming that the words pouring into your eye holes right now are being consumed to help you decide whether or not to see this film, I’ve decided to introduce someone who sees Burton flicks as more of a chocolate ice cream. (Back to dessert again. I know — I’ve got a problem.) Hopefully this vanilla-chocolate swirl will help with your movie-going decision making. And with that, I humbly submit for your reader’s consideration this real post-viewing conversation.
Johnny Depp gets creepy, goth teenage girls, Andy Warhol, Downton Abbey and more after the jump!
Dark Shadows is based on the ‘60s soap opera of the same name. Johnny Depp plays Barnabas, a wealthy playboy from the 1700s who crosses a witch, who in turn transforms him into a vampire and buries him alive, where he remains undisturbed for 200 years. He is inadvertently freed in 1972 and returns to his former estate to check up on his descendants and the town his family built.
Assuming that the words pouring into your eye holes right now are being consumed to help you decide whether or not to see this film, I’ve decided to introduce someone who sees Burton flicks as more of a chocolate ice cream. (Back to dessert again. I know — I’ve got a problem.) Hopefully this vanilla-chocolate swirl will help with your movie-going decision making. And with that, I humbly submit for your reader’s consideration this real post-viewing conversation.
Johnny Depp gets creepy, goth teenage girls, Andy Warhol, Downton Abbey and more after the jump!
Me: Favorite Tim Burton film?
Her: [Pauses for a moment.] I’m going to name a few.
Me: No. The first one that comes to mind.
Her: Edward Scissorhands.
Me: Fair enough. Would you say in general that you like Tim Burton movies?
Her: Mm-hmm. I like Tim Burton movies a lot.
Me: How about your favorite Johnny Depp movie?
Her: [Long pause. She scrapes at a bowl of popcorn and smiles.] What if I said Sleepy Hollow? How mad would you be? [She laughs; I shake my head in disapproval. She turns to the Internet.] Ohh... he was really good in Blow. Donnie Brasco maybe? What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. Oh! Or Fear and Loathing... [This continues on for some time but I stopped typing.]
Me: So you don’t have one favorite?
Her: I liked him in Finding Neverland, too... I don’t have a favorite.
Me: How would you say Dark Shadows compared to your expectations based off previews and other pre-release materials you’d seen?
Her: It exceeded my expectations. I thought the previews made it look more like a comedy, and I’m glad it wasn’t just a comedy.
Me: So you think it was a comedy though?
Her: It was a... dramedy.
Me: How’s that though?
Her: It felt to me like Death Becomes Her, and that’s considered a comedy — a dark comedy maybe. But [Dark Shadows is] not really that dark. It reminded me of Warhol’s movies of Dracula and Frankenstein. They just end up being funny. One of my favorite parts was when [Depp] pops up out of the grave and [spoiler removed]... That was laugh-out-loud funny.
Me: I’m not going to the ruin that bit for anyone. Let’s get more broad here. What did you think of Johnny Depp?
Her: I thought he was excellent. I liked the attention to detail with his makeup and costuming. Giving him long fingers made him look creepy, but he wasn’t really. He was only drinking blood because he needs it. Also, he looks this way, but no one is scared of him either. It was this juxtaposition of expectations.
Me: What about the other characters? At about a quarter of the way through the movie, Depp’s love interest disappears...
Her: She’s busy being a governess. She’s there to do a job. [She is hired to work at Barnabas' family manor to watch after a troubled child.] We’re not going to watch her do her job, are we?
Me: Ha — but we never see any kind of relationship between them. It all happens off camera. Just all of a sudden they’re in love with each other and I don’t know why [other than the fact that the girl bares a resemblance to Barnabas' dead wife, which just feels kind of wrong] or if I should care [I don’t].
Her: That’s true. Maybe that was a bit disappointing.
Me: Looking at the first reviews that are out on this — a majority of them aren’t exactly kind.
Her: Are you going to have me respond to their reviews?
Me: No, I don’t want to do that. Some of their arguments are pretty good; I’m not sure how you’d be able to come back against them.
Her: “Shut up. I love this movie.”
Me: That's actually a brilliant response. But, if someone hears this movie is kind of weak, what would you say to them? Why is this movie not terrible?
Her: I think it’s for people who are fans of kitsch — if you appreciate movies that you can laugh at the type of movies they are. It’s not for you if you take vampires really seriously or want a romantic comedy in the traditional sense — it’s for people who like things a little off. I feel like the people who like this are in on a joke that other people don’t get. It’s there, you just have to look for it. It won’t be for everybody.
Me: So you would say that people should go see this movie?
Her: I would say that some people should go see this movie.
Me: What people is that?
Her: Teenage girls...
Me: Wait. You know not all or most — or really any — teenage girls are like how you were? [I’ll spare the gory details, but let’s just say she had a bit of what mainstream folks would call a "goth" phase. She also really loves The Crow.]
Her: If you liked The Crow... Did you ever see Death Becomes Her? I loved that movie. I rented it like eight times. It’s got that same feeling to me. I thought that movie was hilarious. Not in the subject matter; I haven’t seen it in years so maybe I’m misremembering it, but it’s the way they treat death I suppose.
Me: I see
Her: Also, here’s my biggest unresolved question: How is he actually related to those people [who live in his former estate]? He didn’t have kids. He didn’t have siblings. He and his family move over from Liverpool and start this business, but he doesn’t have any relatives.
Me: What about cousins? I’m sure there were other relatives. When he died, the estate went to an heir. I thought you understood how this worked now because of Downton Abbey.
Her: I’m glad you’re bringing up Downton Abbey.
Me: My pleasure. Maybe 40 years from now, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp can team up to redo Downton Abbey as a movie.
Her: They’ll be really old by then.
Me: I could see Depp as the Dowager Countess.
--Eric Pulsifer
Her: [Pauses for a moment.] I’m going to name a few.
Me: No. The first one that comes to mind.
Her: Edward Scissorhands.
Me: Fair enough. Would you say in general that you like Tim Burton movies?
Her: Mm-hmm. I like Tim Burton movies a lot.
Me: How about your favorite Johnny Depp movie?
Her: [Long pause. She scrapes at a bowl of popcorn and smiles.] What if I said Sleepy Hollow? How mad would you be? [She laughs; I shake my head in disapproval. She turns to the Internet.] Ohh... he was really good in Blow. Donnie Brasco maybe? What’s Eating Gilbert Grape. Oh! Or Fear and Loathing... [This continues on for some time but I stopped typing.]
Me: So you don’t have one favorite?
Her: I liked him in Finding Neverland, too... I don’t have a favorite.
Me: How would you say Dark Shadows compared to your expectations based off previews and other pre-release materials you’d seen?
Her: It exceeded my expectations. I thought the previews made it look more like a comedy, and I’m glad it wasn’t just a comedy.
Me: So you think it was a comedy though?
Her: It was a... dramedy.
Me: How’s that though?
Her: It felt to me like Death Becomes Her, and that’s considered a comedy — a dark comedy maybe. But [Dark Shadows is] not really that dark. It reminded me of Warhol’s movies of Dracula and Frankenstein. They just end up being funny. One of my favorite parts was when [Depp] pops up out of the grave and [spoiler removed]... That was laugh-out-loud funny.
Me: I’m not going to the ruin that bit for anyone. Let’s get more broad here. What did you think of Johnny Depp?
Her: I thought he was excellent. I liked the attention to detail with his makeup and costuming. Giving him long fingers made him look creepy, but he wasn’t really. He was only drinking blood because he needs it. Also, he looks this way, but no one is scared of him either. It was this juxtaposition of expectations.
Me: What about the other characters? At about a quarter of the way through the movie, Depp’s love interest disappears...
Her: She’s busy being a governess. She’s there to do a job. [She is hired to work at Barnabas' family manor to watch after a troubled child.] We’re not going to watch her do her job, are we?
Me: Ha — but we never see any kind of relationship between them. It all happens off camera. Just all of a sudden they’re in love with each other and I don’t know why [other than the fact that the girl bares a resemblance to Barnabas' dead wife, which just feels kind of wrong] or if I should care [I don’t].
Her: That’s true. Maybe that was a bit disappointing.
Me: Looking at the first reviews that are out on this — a majority of them aren’t exactly kind.
Her: Are you going to have me respond to their reviews?
Me: No, I don’t want to do that. Some of their arguments are pretty good; I’m not sure how you’d be able to come back against them.
Her: “Shut up. I love this movie.”
Me: That's actually a brilliant response. But, if someone hears this movie is kind of weak, what would you say to them? Why is this movie not terrible?
Her: I think it’s for people who are fans of kitsch — if you appreciate movies that you can laugh at the type of movies they are. It’s not for you if you take vampires really seriously or want a romantic comedy in the traditional sense — it’s for people who like things a little off. I feel like the people who like this are in on a joke that other people don’t get. It’s there, you just have to look for it. It won’t be for everybody.
Me: So you would say that people should go see this movie?
Her: I would say that some people should go see this movie.
Me: What people is that?
Her: Teenage girls...
Me: Wait. You know not all or most — or really any — teenage girls are like how you were? [I’ll spare the gory details, but let’s just say she had a bit of what mainstream folks would call a "goth" phase. She also really loves The Crow.]
Her: If you liked The Crow... Did you ever see Death Becomes Her? I loved that movie. I rented it like eight times. It’s got that same feeling to me. I thought that movie was hilarious. Not in the subject matter; I haven’t seen it in years so maybe I’m misremembering it, but it’s the way they treat death I suppose.
Me: I see
Her: Also, here’s my biggest unresolved question: How is he actually related to those people [who live in his former estate]? He didn’t have kids. He didn’t have siblings. He and his family move over from Liverpool and start this business, but he doesn’t have any relatives.
Me: What about cousins? I’m sure there were other relatives. When he died, the estate went to an heir. I thought you understood how this worked now because of Downton Abbey.
Her: I’m glad you’re bringing up Downton Abbey.
Me: My pleasure. Maybe 40 years from now, Tim Burton and Johnny Depp can team up to redo Downton Abbey as a movie.
Her: They’ll be really old by then.
Me: I could see Depp as the Dowager Countess.
--Eric Pulsifer
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