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Boobies & Blood in 3D, Oh My!

1/16/2009

2 Comments

 

Tom (Jensen Ackles) returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine's night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, however, Tom finds himself arriving to a copycat(or is it the revived corpse of the original murderer?) in the town, and he is suspected of committing the murders. The only person who seems to believe he's innocent is his old flame (Jamie King).

This is the first time modern 3D technology has been utilized to bring a horror movie to life, and I'm happy to report the sick and twisted minds behind this picture do not disappoint.  If you're going to the theatre this weekend with hopes of gimmicky jump out of the screen ridiculousness, you've paid for the right movie. On top of all the disgustingly grotesque perceived spurts of blood all over the audience, our fine director, Patrick Lussier, also thought the thought that's been boiling like a kettle int he front of our minds ever since we first saw what 3D could do. What if you filmed boobs? Not only boobs but boobs, butt and bush? Yes, that's right you gore whore slut hounds, this film achieves the rare trifecta of horror movie nudity and it's made all the better through the use of modern technology. But that's enough about that, you came to see if the movie is any good right?

Is this a good movie? Well, yes and no. That all depends on your measure of success for a film. Is it Gone with the Wind? No, but the film makes no pretenses about being anything other than a B movie gore picture, and a fun time for it's audiences, and on that it delivers. So I'd been willing to claim this film is a good movie, because it does exactly what it set out to achieve. Now with that being said, there are some real weak links in the acting chain (I'm looking at you Ackles), the story telling is pretty much generic, and some of the twists are just downright ridiculous. But when the final credits rolled, in 3D no less, I found myself not really caring. I just really enjoyed the retarded ride. You see this film is like going to a Wal-Mart when you're feeling blue, you can walk in and have zero expectations to display intelligence, and by the time you leave, you feel a bit better about yourself and you don't know why.

--Greg MacLennan



2 Comments
Lindsay McKenna
1/16/2009 08:05:46 am

Jensen Ackles is a man above men, you dirty Canadian!

Reply
Ted Recio
1/20/2009 12:01:21 am

I liked this review. You summed it up best when you gave the Wal-Mart analogy.

And here is where l refrain from listing my Wal-Mart-Run to Go-Out-Have-Fun ratio. It's sad, really.

Reply



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