Look, contrary to all rumors I am not a 13-year-old boy. While I can enjoy video games and action movies like the guys, I reach my limit when I watch a movie that is oh-so clearly targeted at pubescent boys (or older fanboys of a book series). Ender's Game is just such a film. Not to say that the film doesn't have its moments, but I'm just really, really, really not the right demographic here, folks.

I'm not all-that familiar with Ender's Game books. I have mainly only heard rumblings that its author, Orson Scott Card, is a raging homophobe. (Side note: he had nothing to do with the movie, apparently, and the studio is urging people to not let Card's awful views spoil your attendance at the movie.)

But, anyhoo. I digress. The movie takes place 50 years after an alien race almost wiped out Earth until a heroic pilot saved our planet. Now, children are being trained at a young age in the hopes of becoming the next Messiah to save the humans. Ender (Asa Buttefield) is a shy, weird little dude who also happens to be crazy smart and gifted in strategy and tactical maneuvers, so Colonel Graff (Harrison Ford at his gruffest) and psychologist Major Anderson (Viola Davis) have decided he's "THE ONE." They, therefore, ship him off to combat school up in space in the hopes of training him to become a great general.

Up in combat school, Ender is faced with more bullies, basic boot camp-type training, and a Quidditch/Paintball/Pong hybrid game in zero-g that somehow determines which child is the best leader/soldier/savior of the human race.

So, basically, to sum up everything I just said: Ender's Game is essentially Harry Potter mixed with Star Wars mixed with children playing paintball mixed with The Matrix. Sure, many of those things came out well AFTER the books were published in 1985, but Ender's Game (the movie) might suffer the same troubles as John Carter did: so many people have ripped it off before its adaptation made it to the screen that it just seems completely recycled itself.

Okay, this isn't to say the movie is bad. It isn't. The visual effects are really quite cool. There are definitely some themes in Ender's Game that are a wee bit heavy, making it slightly MORE intelligent than your average movie for teens. There are even some amazing actors in the film—I already mentioned Ford and Davis, and Sir Ben FUCKING Kingsley even pops up.

Buuuuuut...the movie is anchored by pre-pubescent boys that are just really hella awkward in their changing bodies, and it's super hard to take Ender seriously when he's facing off against Colonel Graff as he has the gangliest of mannerisms. Maybe I'm just being an asshole here, though?

Ender's Game feels much like many of the blockbusters thrown our way this summer: bloated and kinda cold. It's not bad, but it sure ain't great. Did you hear that About Time is also opening this weekend? Go see that instead.

—Darcie Duttweiler

Time travel and romantic comedy might not seem like a natural pairing, but writer/director Richard Curtis successfully merges the two genres to great effect in About Time.

The film explores the idea that falling in love is essentially the outcome of a series of good and bad decisions, imagining what it would be like if you could go back and erase all the awkward missteps along the way.

Tim (Domhnall Gleeson) is a well-meaning but decidedly un-suave romantic whose attempts to find a girlfriend have resulted in lifelong frustration. One morning, his father (Bill Nighy) reveals to Tim that he, like all the men in his family before him, possesses the ability to travel through time.

After getting over his initial shock, the endearingly clumsy ginger is given a crash course on the ins and outs of his ability: By shutting himself in a dark space, closing his eyes, and clenching his fists, Tim can shift back to any moment in his own past. He can’t go back before his own birth, and although he can leap back from the past to the present, he cannot travel beyond that point into the future.

Now, any plot involving time travel is bound to be convoluted to some degree, and Curtis has fun acknowledging and embracing that necessity. In response to Tim’s concerns about the catastrophic consequences of meddling with the past, his dad wryly tells him, “Oh, the butterfly effect? Well, we haven’t destroyed the universe yet!” He also cautions Tim against trying to pull a Biff Tannen, listing examples of relatives whose attempts to use their gifts for financial gain only put them on the road to ruin.

It’s a funny, tongue-in-cheek setup that signals we’re not supposed to over-think this whole time travel thing. Of course, things get a little more complicated later on, and the film does break with its own logic at several points, but if you spend any time nitpicking the inconsistencies, you’re missing the point.

Anyway, after several amusing hiccups, Tim finally starts to get the hang of using his power to bail out of awkward situations, which proves to be a huge help in his romantic life. He meets Mary (Rachel McAdams), and through the process of trial and error, he manages to convince her he’s the man of her dreams.

It’s a safe bet that most would consider it a luxury to have a “do-over” option in the courtship process—just look at what it did for Phil Connors! And like Phil, who initially sees his continual returns to the past as a curse, Tim comes to appreciate the ability to hit Ctrl–Z, undo his mistakes, and take advantage of missed opportunities.

Thanks to this superpower, he’s also able to bridge some of the emotional distance between him and his father, who has maintained a caring but somewhat prickly relationship with Tim before bonding with him over their shared gift.

At its heart, About Time is a sweet but not overly sentimental rom-com that’s as much about a guy’s love for his family as his quest to find his soulmate.

—Rob Heidrick