The Runaways opens with a shot of what looks like red nail polish dripping onto the pavement and two blonde girls giggling as they run into a fast food bathroom. Cherie Currie’s sister declares her little sis a woman now (ewww, right?) and they proceed to whore themselves up with tight clothing and bright makeup before hopping into a dude’s car. Now, if the thought of first-time period blood doesn’t scare you off, you’re in luck. The rest of The Runaways tries to be just as provocative as its initial shot but can never recapture the same shock or surprise—unless you count the generous whooping of pervy middle-aged bros in the audience when a 15-year-old Dakota Fanning makes out with Kristen Stewart.

And, while the film doesn’t quite regain shock or surprise, The Runaways is actually a pretty decent film that goes way past grrrrl power. It’s ultimately the story of two chicks that wanted to become famous and grew up way too fast. And, okay were maybe exploited by some pervy dudes along the way.

Read more about Fanning in corsets after the jump!

What do you do when your friend tries to (allegedly) kill himself and your girlfriend has just left you? Why, you band together with your distanced but still best friends and you take a trip down memory lane--in this case, to a ski lodge where you were once champions of the lady world. And heck, while you're there, ain't no harm in all hopping naked into a hot tub with one another and getting totally wrecked. Or is there? Watch out, because if you're not careful, you might just wake up with a slammin' headache in the year 1986!

Read more after the jump!

Full disclaimer: this review of How to Train Your Dragon is about the boring, ol’ 2D version. The 3D screening was in the wee hours of the morning during South by Southwest, and I didn’t drag my drunken ass out of bed. I apologize. I was just as sad as you are.

That being said…How to Train Your Dragon is hopelessly adorable—like baby kittens turned into animated dragons adorable. I turned to Greg multiple times to let out a ‘tween girl squeal—that’s how cute this movie was. However, if you’re going sans little munchkin, you may be bored at some of the kiddie jokes. And if you are going with small kids, they may get restless as was indicated by all the questioning youngsters ruining my movie going experience at the screening. Needless to say, fun was had by almost all.

Read more about kitten dragons after the jump!

I am typically of the mindset that famous funny guys aren’t any funnier than class clowns, they just happened to be in the right place at the right time. I’ve been to panels with Seth Rogan and Danny McBride, and I walked away thinking they weren’t any funnier than I was; they just had good writers and knew how to deliver their lines well.

She’s Out of My League has taught me how important actors really are. Writer John Anders and John Morris put together a nice story that, although predictable, lent itself to some funny situations. Unfortunately Jay Baruchel isn’t funny at all and should never be called upon to carry a movie. T.J. Miller, who plays his friend “Stainer,” is a homeless man’s Jon Heder that mucked up a bunch of jokes that should have been hilarious but came out flat. The whole time I kept thinking that if Paul Rudd and Will Ferrell were the leading men I would be laughing my ass off.

Read more after the jump!

Chief Warrant Officer Roy Miller (Matt Damon) is done following orders after faulty secret intelligence keeps putting him and his men in dangerous situation after dangerous situation with nothing to show for it. Miller is hunting down WMDs in Saddam Hussein's Iraq  but has come up with zilch. Before being led on another wild goose chase, Miller partners up with a CIA official on a quest for the truth. The reason we were led to Iraq was because we were led to believe in these WMD's, but 7 years later we all know there weren't any there.  What director Paul Greengass and Academy Award-winner Brian Helgeland have done with the book "Imperial Life in the Emerald City: Inside Iraq's Green Zone", is taken an equal mix of fact and grand conspiracy/fantastic wishful thinking and created a taut suspenseful action packed thinking man's movie.

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Tim Burton and children’s story books. For me this combination hasn’t worked so well in the past (cough, Charlie Bucket). But, by the time the cute little Dormouse plunges his sword into a Bandersnatch's eyeball, rips the beast's eye meatout of its socket and carries the trophy around on his belt, it becomes more than apparent that Burton's creation is NOT the Disney Alice of the 1950s. And that makes this pairing of the whimsical tale and the dark, quirky director all the better.

DON'T WORRY THAT YOU JUST LEFT YOUR KIDS HOME ALONE WITH DRUGS--READ MORE AFTER THE JUMP!