I might not be the ideal audience for Tron Legacy. When I was a kid growing up with two older, computer geek brothers and one computer engineering dad, I was subjected to the original Tron over and over and over again. All I wanted to do was watch The Little Mermaid again, but no. I was forced against my will to watch my brothers geek out over light cycles and The Grid. Upon rewatching the original film this past Thanksgiving, I realized I still have no freakin’ clue what is going on in Tron. I mean, I get it, but it’s basically just a personified Hackers of its day, no? Sure, the visuals were enchanting to me in the ‘80s, but the story basically made no sense.

The EXACT same thing can be said of Tron Legacy. Sure, the visuals are incredible (and I’m not just talking about Olivia Wilde in a skintight latex suit), but the story makes no sense. The film also feels like a hodgepodge of different sci-fi flicks, such as The Matrix, Star Wars, and even a bit Lord of the Rings. But shit does it look cool.

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So after the events of the original Tron, where Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) entered the Grid and defeated the evil MCP program and the CEO of Encom who stole his videogame, he settled down and had a son, Sam. Several years later, Kevin mysteriously disappeared. Twenty years go by, and when Sam (Garrett Hedlund) goes to investigate a puzzling call from Papa Flynn’s arcade, he somehow gets sucked into the Grid. Once he’s forced to join “the games,” battles between opponents with flying discs that make programs shatter upon impact, Sam comes face-to-face with CLU, the program his father built twenty years ago and who happens to look just like his papa circa 1980.

Eventually Sam finds out CLU betrayed Kevin in order to achieve perfection in the Grid by killing a race of programs (or beings, I’m not quite sure here) who magically appeared in the Grid without being created. Along for the ride is Quorra (Wilde), Kevin’s companion (servant? Mistress? Surrogate daughter?) throughout the years who helps Sam escape from CLU during a Light Cycle battle. Now the three must try to make it to the portal in order for Sam to go back to the real world while facing many obstacles.

The Light Cycle race is undoubtedly cool. The visuals are an incredible spectacle. The 3D is also impeccable. CGI Jeff Bridges is creepy, however. The rest of the programs look like real people, but CLU is like Jeff Bridges mated with Nicole Kidman—there is no emoting, no facial expression; he’s incredibly lifeless, and it’s eerie. Hedlund is capable enough at playing essentially Neo from The Matrix with less martial art skills. Quorra is like 13-year-old Trinity: goofy, immature, but deadly. I think Wilde is a great actress on House, but here she is weird and awkward when she’s not fighting.

In Tron Legacy, Kevin Flynn has somehow become a computer programmer version of The Dude. He spouts off weird Zen-like philosophies that don’t really make sense in the film. When did Kevin Flynn say “Man” so many times? However, the highlight is a Bowied out Michael Sheen, who plays a club owner that knows the secrets of the Grid. With his Aladin Sane shag and high-heeled boots, he’s incredibly ridiculous for a program in the Grid but definitely a welcome addition.

As for the much talked of Daft Punk soundtrack? It still makes me feel like I’m in a German rave. I wonder how many lovers of the 1982 Tron will want to go to there.

For such dazzling visuals, Tron Legacy is surprisingly one-dimensional.

--Darcie Duttweiler