“Release the Kraken!” If that sentence doesn’t send you into a fit of excitement, I don’t know what will—maybe Sam Worthington’s meaty thighs… Anyway; I digress. If you’re a fan of the original Clash of the Titans the “reimaging” will sure to please you. If you’ve never seen the 1981 version but are a fan of ruff ‘n’ tumble action flicks with tons of fires and CGI monsters, you will still be pleased. However, if none of this thrills you, stay far far away.

Read the full Clash of the Titans review after the jump!

My brother used to force me to watch the Harry Hamlin version a billion times when we were kids, and I used to never understand the plot but was fascinated by all the (at the time) cool stop-motion animation and miniatures. Plus the Medusa part was very scary for my young mind. This Clash of the Titans isn’t so much a reimaging as basically a blatant remake with hotter dudes and bigger badass Gods (sorry Laurence Olivier, you were old as fuck when you were Zeus).

The plot is still basically as confusing to me: Perseus (Sam Worthington) discovers he’s the son of Zeus after his adoptive family is wiped out by Hades in the middle of a war between man and the Gods. He is then recruited by the city of Argos in order to save its citizens (and its hot princess) from the dreaded Kraken during the eclipse in 10 days. To do so, Perseus must travel to some witches for advice, defeat a ton of monsters, including Medusa herself, and tame a Pegasus. It’s basically a lot to achieve in 10 days to save a city that basically fucked itself. But, again, I digress. See, Perseus has decided he wants to beat Hades for killing his family, and he must defeat the Kraken to weaken him. It’s a lot of ground to cover, I know.

While the plot is pretty ho hum, the action of Clash of the Titans is fairly exciting but with some caveats. Although it’s not as cheese-tastic a the original, the CGI is not that impressive—especially in 3D, which was only added AFTER the film was completed. In fact, the 3D makes the film actually look worse. When giant scorpions pop out of the earth, it looks so fake in a day and age when CGI is becoming more impressive every day. Take my advice—don’t pay extra to see this movie in 3D. It’s not worth it.

What about the acting? Well…I mean, there is only so much you can do in a movie like this. Worthington tries to reach his full potential with a range of emotions, but it just kinda falls flat. It’s like he’s doing a half-assed version of emoting. But he does look great in a short tunic. I’m just sayin’… But the real players here are Liam Neeson as Zeus and Ralph Fiennes (the eternal baddie) as Hades. I could have watched an entire movie of the two of them. With their long beards and booming voices, the two are definitely commanding as Gods. But they are sorely underused. So is that Kraken…

Is it Clash of the Titans good movie? Not really, no. Is it a fun time with a lot of swelling action? Yup. Is it at least better than Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen? Fuck yes.

--Darcie Duttweiler