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Couples Retreat has a lot going for it. First of all, Vince Vaughn’s fast-talking, slightly crazy shtick works for me. It has since Swinger, and granted, that was 13 years ago now, and a lot of his charm has worn thin in terrible, terrible movies. But he still makes me laugh more often than not, so I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt. Secondly, Jon Favreau has really honed his angry comedy routine, which is a far cry from his nerdy, insecure days in the aforementioned movie, and, for the most part, it works. Thirdly, Jason Bateman. Do I even need to explain this? Fine, Extract was kinda shitty, but oh well. Fourth of all, Kristen Bell is so damn likeable. Throw in the producing skills of Peter Billingsley (in his first directing role), who’s produced a ton of Favreau and Vaughn films, and you have an at least decent film, right?

Fuck, no.

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Instead of coming off as an actual comedy, or even a shitty romantic comedy, Couples Retreat tends to read as an excuse for Vaughn, Favreau and Billingsley to reunite and have an awesome vacay in Bora Bora, and, I mean, who can blame them? The setting is gorgeous, indeed, but the plot of the film is so thin, the characters are so stereotypically underdeveloped (if not downright obnoxious), and the direction is fairly nonexistent.

Couples Retreat tells the tale of four couples: Dave (Vaughn) and Ronnie (Malin Ackerman, in her least unbearable role ever), Jason (Bateman) and Cynthia (Bell), Joey (Favreau) and Lucy (Kristin Bell, in her most pissy role ever), and Shane (Faizon Love) and his new, 20-year-old girlfriend Trudy (Kali Hawk).

Because Jason and Cynthia’s marriage has hit the skids due to their inability to conceive, they have decided to head to a couples skill-building paradise with some relationship guru (Jean Reno), but they can only afford the group rate if everyone attends. Thinking they’ll get to Jet Ski and snorkel and leave all the relationship crap in the States, the couples agree.  Once at the island, however, a snooty concierge informs them they must partake in the entire package or leave (yeah fucking right), and the couples are forced to emote and communicate with each other.

The relationships in the film are so one-noted. Dave and Ronnie have the typical stresses of being married with kids, with Dave being a selfish ass. Joey and Lucy are high school sweethearts who have both been straying and counting down the days their daughter leaves for college. Jason and Cynthia are super anal, over thinkers who don't feel. And, well, Shane’s gf calls him “daddy” very loudly. And often. But, by golly, by the end of the movie, everyone will be so in love. Oh, am I ruining it for you? No, no, I’m not. Trust me, this flick is more formulaic than The Proposal.

But, it’s not to say that Couples Retreat isn’t without its merits. I remember laughing a few times. At what? I can’t really remember, actually. Well, crap. Okay, now that I think about it, Couples Retreat was pretty shitty. While I probably chuckled (very quietly and shamefully) at some witty lines that somehow made their way into the script, most of the gags and laughs are aimed at the lowest common denominator:  i.e. a naked fat dude or masturbation. And, I’m frankly getting really tired of studios treating me like I’m a moron.  

It’s a shame, honestly, because the cast is so damn likeable on its own. Oh, well.

--Darcie Duttweiler
 


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