Watching Crank: High Voltage is like watching an experienced video gamer play a souped-up, extra-violent edition of Grand Theft Auto at an incredibly high level. Consider the similarities: Our beloved Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) is as indestructible as ever, only needing to recharge his artificial heart at occasional intervals, much the same way players pick up health. When charged, Chelios reacts with improved stamina and strength, as if he had just used a power up. He marches through the movie/game completing various side tasks and fighting easily defeated cronies while working towards the main goal of getting his heart back. Even the stylized transitions throughout the film can be seen as loading screens that pop up while the viewers wait for the next mission to roll out. When Chelios finally corners the man with is heart (aka the last boss), an epic battle ensues and the audience is treated to the requisite, story-satisfying cut scene that wraps up all the loose ends of the flimsy story. That said, I would buy this video game in an instant if I could. 


High Voltage begins with Chelios falling out of the helicopter from the original Crank. After crashing down, he isn’t on the pavement for more than two minutes before Chinese mobsters scrape him off with snow shovels so they can steal Chelios’ famous heart. Johnny Vang (Art Hsu) makes off with the heart and Chelios must track him down, which involves a lot of ass kicking, car chases and general intimidation, as well as phone calls to Doc Miles (Dwight Yoakam) for advice. Chelios meets up with his former girlfriend Eve (Amy Smart) and takes her on his escapades, using her to save his life in the same fashion he did in Crank (hint: it involves sex in a public place). More desperate for revenge than to save his own life, Chelios has no problem stooping so low as to stick a shotgun up a man’s butt to get the answers he needs. 

High Voltage is completely and unapologetically gratuitous. Writer/Directors Mark Neveldine and and Brian Taylor, who wrote and directed the first Crank, showed their expertise in recognizing what people liked from Crank and magnifying it. The result is a bevy of boobs and butts, curse words used in new and fashionable ways, crass, beautifully-cheesy jokes and unnecessary violence.  I’ve walked away from pornography feeling less filthy about what I’ve just witnessed.

Crank: High Voltage is not a good movie in any way shape or form — it is an awesomely bad movie. Fans headed to the theater know what they’re getting themselves into, and they will get far more than they bargained for. And as if you didn’t already know this, they left it open for another sequel.

--Mark Collins

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