In the year 2707, war rages between earth’s four giant corporations as they battle over the planet's dwindling resources. In an era marked by warfare and social regression, the earth is on the verge of ruin; destruction is everywhere; battles explode on every ravaged continent. Amidst heavy combat, an errant shell shatters an ancient buried seal releasing a horrific mutant army from its eternal prison deep within the earth. As the mutant scourge threatens human extinction, a single squad of soldiers descends into the earth to fulfill the age-old prophesy of the Mutant Chronicles and save mankind.

Whew...sounds somewhat intriguing doesn't it? Well, I'm willing to wager one might derive more enjoyment from reading the synopsis than actually watching the executed film because it is bad. Not enjoyable bad, just bad. The film struggles so hard to be so many different films and explore so many different things that it ends up just being a flat out waste of your time. The narrative makes little sense and defies logic, so don't think about it. Between the gunfire, sword fights, and underground crab men mutants I had a hard time keeping track of exactly what was going on, and when I knew what was going on, I had a pretty difficult time figuring out why, how, and why I should care.

You get an all star cast of bad asses with Thomas Jane growling out his awkward one liners as best as he can, but unfortunately not even he, Ron Perlman, Devon Aoki, and John Malkovich can save this sinking ship. The acting is at times laughable, and the effects work is just disconnecting. The film was shot much like Sky Captain, and I found it hard to believe these were more than just actors wandering around on a green screen, which makes it difficult to feel a sense of urgency or real stakes.

If Crank was like watching someone play a really fun video game, Mutant Chronicles is like watching someone play a really boring nonsensical RPG. Descend upon this one at your own risk. It hits limited release this weekend, but is always available on many of your XBOX 360s and Video On Demand Services already.

--Greg MacLennan

Five. That’s the number of fights in the movie that is, in fact, called Fighting. Shawn MacArther (Channing Tatum) went from selling rip-off copies of Harry Potter on the street to the top of New York City’s underground fighting circuit in five fights. He sucker punches a guy (1) half-accidentally knocks a guy out (2) is saved from a tap out by a guy in his crew (3) actually throws some punches and beats a guy up for once (4) and then fights against the top underground fighter in NYC. There’s not even a fight montage! Rocky, the king of all boxing movies, was built on the montage.

Rather than call this film Fighting, I would call it Undeveloped Plot and the Furious Fists of Frustration. Harvey Boarden (Terrence Howard) is a con man with ties to gamblers who like to host bare knuckle fighting. Harvey sees promise in Shawn and inserts him into these fights. Shawn manages to defeat or dissuade his three opponents to earn the right to fight against Evan Hailey (Brian J. White), a high school rival who has been antagonizing him the whole time. And what would a Channing Tatum movie be without the requisite love story? Shawn sees Zulay Valez (Zulay Henao) one time (one time!) in a club and two weeks later he is using his winnings to help pay her rent. I’m sorry, but anybody who is that much of a pussy for a girl wouldn’t be able to beat up anybody.

The movie rushed through every scene and seemed more anxious to move on to the next act rather than establish the characters. A contrived love story was jammed down the viewers throat rather than explore the character’s histories. Each part of this movie where there was an opportunity to add depth to a character the movie avoided it as if it didn’t want to distract from the ridiculously predictable main plot. Which makes the end of the movie like a slap to the fleshy patch where your balls used to be, you know you should feel something but there’s no balls so you don’t care.

Howard was surprisingly impressive in his role as the street hustler, although he’s beginning to make a career of standing out amongst a cast of nobodies. However, this movie missed the mark on so many levels I don’t even think middle school girls will enjoy this movie. I mean, Tatum only takes his shirt off in one scene. In a formula movie like this, that’s practically worse than having no fighting in a movie called Fighting. Might as well call the movie Channing Tatum Wears A Shirt.

--Mark Collins

Based on the book by journalist Steve Lopez, The Soloist recounts how Lopez (Robert Downey Jr.) came upon schizo musicophiliac Nathan Ayers Jr. (Jamie Foxx). Lopez was a down-on-his-luck writer who was desperate to find a story. The film takes place in 2005 when layoffs are running rampant through the journalism industry (sound familiar?), which means fewer reporters are getting less time to cover more stories. L.A. Times hot shot Lopez needs a good story, and one day stumbles upon a homeless man playing a two string violin who claims he went to Julliard. Bam, he's got himself a story, pending it all turns out to be true and not just the ramblings of some crazed homeless man.

The Soloist has some really good things going for it; it has a tremendous cast anchored by RDJ and Foxx, and an extremely talented up and coming director, Joe Wright (Atonement, Pride & Prejudice). But when watching the film, something seems off. You see the characters, you feel their pain, the actors are firing on all cylinders, but you feel somewhat distanced and unaffected. Is it the fault of the director? Possibly. But it could also be the fault of the writer.

Maybe Susannah Grant (Charlotte's Web, Erin Brokovich, In Her Shoes) wasn't the right choice for the film. Sure, she has written drama before, but I think maybe the balance of drama, social criticism, and general sappiness might have done better in another writer's hands. But it's not all on her shoulders; whatever happened here, Joe Wright is also to blame. His visual style is getting to be pretty noticeable and much appreciated, but at times the film feels heavy handed and manipulative...bordering on preachy. I also found the flashbacks to be somewhat awkward and clunky. It starts with Ayers' sister recounting a story to Lopez, which turns into a voice over narration of a cello instructor talking about Ayers's innate ability, but then we get periodic flash backs that just seem tacked on and not fully played out, i.e. Ayers's breakdown.

But that's the bad, and with RDJ you have to have at least some good don't you? Well, yes...yes, you do. RDJ turns out a solid and affecting performance, and, despite its obvious Oscar bait potential, Jamie Foxx takes a character Sean Penn would salivate to play and nails it. Foxx balances the crazy with the lucid, and delivers another nuanced performance to prove that his Ray Oscar was well earned.

Wright also manages to take the viewer inside the mind of a crazy person and see how insane the rest of the world can seem. From his sound design to this visual cues, Wright has added another thing to his resume of shit he can do well. One scene in particular I found to be truly impressive was when Lopez takes Ayers to a symphony rehearsal and the screen goes black with bursts of color for almost the entire duration of the song. That moment juxtaposed with the acting before and after can't help you leave feeling somewhat affected.

So, The Soloist isn't a great movie by any means, but it's certainly a decent one. It comments on society, the economy, family, relationships, and also a tale of friendship between two men from opposite walks of life. You could find worse to watch this weekend, and with strong performances from Downey Jr. and Foxx, it's well worth a sit down.

Review by: Greg MacLennan

Watching Crank: High Voltage is like watching an experienced video gamer play a souped-up, extra-violent edition of Grand Theft Auto at an incredibly high level. Consider the similarities: Our beloved Chev Chelios (Jason Statham) is as indestructible as ever, only needing to recharge his artificial heart at occasional intervals, much the same way players pick up health. When charged, Chelios reacts with improved stamina and strength, as if he had just used a power up. He marches through the movie/game completing various side tasks and fighting easily defeated cronies while working towards the main goal of getting his heart back. Even the stylized transitions throughout the film can be seen as loading screens that pop up while the viewers wait for the next mission to roll out. When Chelios finally corners the man with is heart (aka the last boss), an epic battle ensues and the audience is treated to the requisite, story-satisfying cut scene that wraps up all the loose ends of the flimsy story. That said, I would buy this video game in an instant if I could. 


High Voltage begins with Chelios falling out of the helicopter from the original Crank. After crashing down, he isn’t on the pavement for more than two minutes before Chinese mobsters scrape him off with snow shovels so they can steal Chelios’ famous heart. Johnny Vang (Art Hsu) makes off with the heart and Chelios must track him down, which involves a lot of ass kicking, car chases and general intimidation, as well as phone calls to Doc Miles (Dwight Yoakam) for advice. Chelios meets up with his former girlfriend Eve (Amy Smart) and takes her on his escapades, using her to save his life in the same fashion he did in Crank (hint: it involves sex in a public place). More desperate for revenge than to save his own life, Chelios has no problem stooping so low as to stick a shotgun up a man’s butt to get the answers he needs. 

High Voltage is completely and unapologetically gratuitous. Writer/Directors Mark Neveldine and and Brian Taylor, who wrote and directed the first Crank, showed their expertise in recognizing what people liked from Crank and magnifying it. The result is a bevy of boobs and butts, curse words used in new and fashionable ways, crass, beautifully-cheesy jokes and unnecessary violence.  I’ve walked away from pornography feeling less filthy about what I’ve just witnessed.

Crank: High Voltage is not a good movie in any way shape or form — it is an awesomely bad movie. Fans headed to the theater know what they’re getting themselves into, and they will get far more than they bargained for. And as if you didn’t already know this, they left it open for another sequel.

--Mark Collins

It's all been done before. Little kid becomes Big kid. Big adult become little adult. Parents and teens swap bodies. Geeky little girls become glamorous and 30. And us moviegoers just swallow it with a grain of salt that with some voodoo magic old can become young again or Vice Versa. Yawn...

Actually, okay, so I love Big. And what if 13 Going on 30 made me laugh? And fuck, Judge Reinhold and Fred Savage trading bodies? Hi-lar-i-ous. I'm usually the audience member pointing out the glaring plot holes in a movie, and for me to suspend disbelief in some sort of weird, Freaky occurrence takes a great cast. And, I can't believe I'm gonna say this but, Zac Efron made me believe...just a little.

17 Again (not to be confused with Seventeen Again starring the Mowry siblings) opens in 1989, when Mike O'Donnell's future was starting to blossom. He's the star basketball player (does Efron have a contract that he can only play basketball in film? I swear I thought he was gonna starting singing "Get'cha head in the game" at any moment), he has a hot girlfriend, he's about to get a scholarship, and he's a genuinely nice dude who helps out his nerdy BFF. So, when his girlfriend drops the bomb she's preggers, Mike walks out of his clutch game, blows his scholarship, and ruins his life by getting married all too young.

Flash forward 18 years and Mike is now Matthew Perry (yeah, right...), whose wife (Leslie Mann) is divorcing him, his kids (Michelle Trachtenberg and Sterling Knight) hate him, and he's losing his job. Sounds like somebody needs a do-over, no? Cue a weird, old janitor and a Twilight Zone-y vortex, and Perry becomes Efron, determined to do things differently. Cue awkward adult becoming teen scenes.

Mike enlists his nerdy buddy, Ned (Thomas Lennon), now a multi-millionaire to play his "dad," which he wholeheartedly does when he checks out the hot principal (Melora Hardin).

Now, with any Body Swapping Movies, the first 30 minutes or so just build up the plot, and 17 Again meanders a bit during this time. All the 'tweens in the audience were bored stiff with tales of divorce and life ruining. It's a bit of a drag, indeed. And then Efron shows up with his Efron abs sans the singing and dancing cause, you know, he's a serious actor, and the movie becomes fun. I'm not saying 17 Again is rewriting the BSM genre--it is by no means, but with a charming cast of Efron, Mann, Lennon, and Hardin, the film is pretty easy to sit through. Sure, it's a bit creepy to watch young Mike pine over his now 40 year old wife, but once you get past that, the film is wholly watchable. You might just need some ear plugs for when the young ladies start to swoon as Efron strolls through school in tight jeans and a leather jacket. 

Also, all you Star Wars and LOTR nerds out there, you're in for a treat when Ned and the principal have an odd but wonderfully funny first date. Is it weird that some of the funniest lines of 17 Again are spoken in Elvish?

--Darcie Duttweiler