When I go see a movie like Friday the 13th I judge it based on two criterion: unnecessary violence and unnecessary nudity. With that it mind I give Friday the 13th a solid: meh. 

There was plenty of unnecessary violence throughout, but I felt the kill scenes were too uninventive. Screwdriver to the neck? Heck, I’ve seen that in real life. Axe to the head? Yawn. However, I will say Jason channeling his inner Robin Hood and driving an arrow through the center of a guy’s moving head from 200 feet away impressed me quite a bit. 

In the nudity department, you wouldn’t even have to turn off safesearch on google to see these sets of fake boobs. Although, the biggest surprise (and disappointment) was when one heroine was murdered despite never showing her chest. In hindsight she was pretty flat, I totally should have seen it coming. 

The film begins on a camping trip to Crystal Lake with five beautiful, six-packed, skinny-waisted heroes and heroines – who are all dead within the first 20 minutes. The intense intro was perhaps the most exciting part of the film and could stand alone as a short. Unfortunately the film goes on for another 70 minutes, as quintessential douchebag Trent (Travis Van Winkle) leads a group of  friends (Aaron Yoo, Amanda Righetti and more) to his parent’s lake house that just so happens to be at Crystal Lake, which is where Jason drowned years and years ago. The characters bumble their way through a vague plot, make poor decisions and it should come as no surprise that most of these characters end up dead. 

Solid acting is about the last thing you’d expect in a slasher movie, but I was pleasantly surprised by the work Van Winkle did representing your typical bro dude. Yoo was also solid and may have found his niche as the quirky sidekick, good for a few laughs and a horrific death. I’ve already forgotten about the rest of the cast. I almost feel bad for these girls who think this is their big break, so naïve.  

As for comparing the 1980 cult classic to the 2009 redux, Producer Michael Bay certainly didn’t reinvent the wheel by any means. I’m sure Hollywood execs consider this franchise officially rebooted, and they should. After all, somebody in Hollywood has got to kill all these gorgeous 20-somethings; it might as well be Jason.

--Mark Collins